…Yar! Stupidity 'Pon the High Seas!
by joebthegreat
Summary: Yar! The Smashers be pirates! Yar! Treasure! Adventure! Yar! Fighting! Yar! Plot twists! Yar! Plot holes! Yar! Other things related to the plot! New plot every chapter! Never the same boring adventure! If you hate one chapter just ignore it
1. Lost!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 1: Lost!**

Disclaimer: I don't own any SSB things or any Nintendo things or any THING that slightly resembles video games or things commonly seen on TV or ANYTHING! I own part of the storyline but not the people in it. This story is not meant to be used around small children as it may cause diarrhea or excessive vomiting.

Reviews: If you don't review I will stab a small kitten… I may/may not be joking about that…

Gold Stars: You can have twelve if you're good and nice to me and stuff…

This will be a series of one-shot kind of things… like my Advertisements or Game shows… that means that I will kill everyone more than once… hell I'll probably kill everyone nine millions times each… It's not my fault… blame violence in shows like Barney and Pee Wee's Playhouse… those shows ruined me…

Anyway… this is my attempt to be funny. I actually like it. Leave a review if you want to, but it doesn't matter… I'll continue this story as long as I get at least one review… and I might review myself if it comes down to it…

Pee Wee's Playhouse Theme song! (I remember how, last year, I would scream My Chemical Romance from time to time… so…) MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE! (You think I'd leave something I liked just because it isn't cool anymore? You trendy, trendy fool)

* * *

"Yar! I be sailing 'pon the high seas with me crew! This be a tale of our everlasting war 'pon scurvy!" Mario said, with two peg legs, two peg arms, and two patches, one over each eye. He had a dead bird glued to his shoulder. He wore a pirate hat. He wasn't wearing anything else though.

"Hey captain!" Luigi said running into the room soon noticing Mario only wearing his hat. "OH MY GOD! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Luigi screamed, gouging out his eyes with a spoon at the horrific sight.

"Yar! Say it like a pirate, not like a landlubber!" Mario yelled. Luigi looked around, slightly nauseous.

"Yar! Captain! Be wearing more than just that hat 'pon your head!" Luigi said meekly. He then died of gouging-out-your-eyes disease.

"Yar! Fine!" Mario yelled and went into his closet to get dressed.

(Ten minutes later)

"Yar! I be stuck!" Mario yelled.

(On the deck)

"I'm concerned… the captain hasn't been out yet… do you think something might be wrong?" Ness asked.

"STFU!" Link yelled, secretly wondering what that even stood for.

"It stands for shut the flangerborber up!" Ness said with a wink. Link responded to this wink with a barf. Ness responded to this barf with a violent rampage, destroying all their equipment and supplies. Link responded to this violent rampage with a sword. Ness responded to this sword with his head falling off. Link responded to this with a barf.

"Aye! Someone doesn't have legs fit for the sea!" Roy said laughing. A wave of water soon hit him and he fell off the deck. Jellyfish ate him alive.

"I almost loved you for a minute there, but if you get seasick then you're just a pathetic LOSER!" Zelda yelled, winking.

"Isn't it bad luck to have girls on the ship?" Ness's head asked as it rolled by.

"YAR!" everyone screamed and threw Peach, Zelda, and Jigglypuff off the boat. They thought Samus was a guy so they let her stay. Peach and Zelda were eaten alive by jellyfish. Jigglypuff didn't taste good so the jellyfish let her float away. She later landed in Portugal and became a world-famous prank caller.

(With Mario)

"Yar! I still be stuck!" Mario yelled. Nobody cared. Mario, being as bored as he was, began to tell himself pirate stories of old.

"I once be holding in a fart fer months! I remember the day… Yar! Stinky!…" Mario trailed off, mumbling to himself.

(On the deck)

"Raise the sails!" Marth yelled from atop the crow's nest. He then realized that this was an actual crow's nest and had nothing to do with the ship. He was eaten alive.

"I wonder where Marth is…" Samus said with glaze in her eye. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't get this glaze out. "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that doughnut!"

"Yar! Hoist the sails!" Captain Falcon said, assuming command, as he had been the three and four sevenths mate.

"Yar! Who be ye! To tell us what we be doing!" Bowser asked, walking up to Captain Falcon in anger. He then stepped on a weak board and fell through the bottom of the boat into the sea. He was eaten alive by jellyfish.

"If he was eaten alive that means he never died!" Ness's head said rolling by again. "And what does this have to do with scurvy?"

Doctor Mario reattached Ness's head to his body. Ness died of brain un-damage.

"You're a bad doctor!" Pichu yelled raising his pint-sized sword at the doctor.

Doctor Mario cut Pichu's arm off and gave him a peg leg to make up for it.

"This wont work! I have three legs now! I HATE YOU!" Pichu screamed and ran off crying. As he only had three legs he tripped and stumbled and got a splinter in his eyes. Doctor Mario gave him some peg legs to make up for this.

"AHHH! I HAVE MORE LEGS THAN I CAN CONTROL!" Pichu screamed, wiggling around in pain. He then died of the Bird Flu.

"What are we going to do about that huge hole in the bottom of the boat that Bowser caused?" Ness's head asked as it rolled by again.

"How are you even doing that?" DK asked in horror. He then tripped on a banana peel and his head slapped head first into his face. "Ow."

Samus fixed the hole in the boat.

"Wow Samus! You're so cool and strong and manly and male and not a girl in any way!" Captain Falcon yelled in a suggestive way.

"Get yer scurvy infested landlubbing self away from me ye dog!" Samus yelled, kicking Captain Falcon's family jewels. The jewels fell off the ship.

"NO! Those jewels were expensive!" Captain Falcon screamed, diving into the water. He died when he missed the water and hit a coral reef instead.

(With Mario)

"Yar! Is anyone going to help me here?" Mario asked.

"I'm here, I'll help!" Popo said and opened the door to the closet. Mario fell out and immediately got back up.

"Yar! I be going up to the deck to be seeing where we be going!" Mario said running off.

"Popo? Where are you?" Nana asked walking towards the room.

"No… get that godforsaken girl away from me! NOOOOO!" Popo screamed and jumped into the closet.

Nana walked in to notice no one was there.

"Where is that stupid boy when you need him?" Nana asked.

"Aren't girls on ships bad luck or something?" Ness asked as his head rolled by.

"YAR!" The pirates screamed and threw Nana off the ship. She was eaten dead by jellyfish.

"I'm stuck" Popo said, trying to get out of the closet. "And what's that smell?"

(At the steering wheel, or whatever you want to call it)

"Yar! Where be we?" Mario asked Fox and Falco, the navigator and steering person.

"Umm…" Fox asked.

"Don't look at me! You're the one who had the compass last!" Falco yelled.

"Yar! We be lost 'pon the seas! May Neptune have mercy 'pon our godforsaken souls!" Mario yelled.

"We're lost?" DK screamed in horror. "WE'RE LOST! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! ARG!"

This put the whole ship into a panic. Everyone began running around in circles. This was a bad thing as there were cannons and guns and swords lying around everywhere.

Basically: Fox died when a cannon Pikachu had somehow fallen into shot off and hit him. Pikachu died from that as well. Young Link drank some old moldy milk and died. Ness's head was tossed off the ship. DK fell over and then got back up unscathed.

"Yar! We be saving the food! Yar! Nobody be eating more than their share!" Mario yelled to the remaining crew.

"Awww" said Doctor Mario, DK, Falco, Samus, Popo, Pichu, Mewtwo, Mr. G&W, nope never mind, Mr. G&W fell through a crack in the boat and was eaten alive by jellyfish… Kirby, Yoshi, and Gannondorf.

(Ten minutes later)

"I'm bored!" Gannondorf whined.

"I'm still stuck!" Popo said, although nobody heard him.

The Boogieman came in to the closet as it was his favorite hiding place. He noticed Popo and mauled him to death.

"RAR BOOBLE FRAR!" Boogieman yelled as he went into the closet and closed the door.

(Ten minutes later)

"I'm stuck…" the Boogieman complained.

(With the crew again)

"Let's be cannibals!" Pichu said with a innocent smile.

The crew cooked Pichu alive and ate him.

"Thanks Pichu! That was a wonderful suggestion!" Gannondorf said. "Wait… Pichu? NOOOOO! HE'S DEAD! Which one of you did this?" Gannondorf yelled looking at the rest of the crew. They all pointed at him.

"You fiend! How could you kill a poor innocent creature like that!" Gannondorf yelled.

"I was hungry! And he suggested it! Come on!" Gannondorf said, trying to defend himself.

"That's no excuse! Prepare to die!" Gannondorf yelled and stabbed Gannondorf, killing him.

(Ten minutes later)

"Yar! I've an idea!" Mario yelled getting up and getting some gunpowder. He poured it into the shape of an S, then an O, then another S.

"Yar! This be the best idea 'pon the high seas!" Mario yelled as he then lit the gunpowder on fire. Above the ship a huge, red, SSO could be seen.

"I don't think you put those letters in the right order…" Mewtwo said.

Some pilots were flying overhead when they saw the signal.

"What does that mean?" one pilot asked.

"I have no idea… maybe we should shoot it with our missiles…" the other pilot suggested.

"Great idea!" the first pilot said as they launched some missiles and left.

"I don't see how any of this is physically possible…" Ness's head said from the inside of the jellyfish's stomachs.

(On the ship)

"Yar! Help be coming!" Mario said, watching the missiles come closer and closer.

"I've got a bad feeling about this…" Mewtwo said with concern.

The missiles connected with their target, blowing a huge whole into the ship. The Boogieman was lost in the explosion. He tried to find his way out, but he was just too prideful to ask for directions… so he was lost in that explosion.

Falco and Kirby and Yoshi all died too. Though this was unrelated to the explosion.

"Yar! Abandon ship!" Mario yelled as the ship was starting to go down.

Everyone except DK and Mario jumped off the ship and died by the jellyfish.

"Yar! I meant the boat but that be fine too!" Mario yelled. "And why be you here! Get going! Yar!"

"I want to stay with you sir. I think we have one last chance to stop Kirby" DK said.

"Yar! I be having no time for ye and yer Kirby Superstar references to Meta Knight and his ship on the final level where the screen be scrolling and ye go to a room and beat those pathetic attempts at 'bosses' before finally meeting Meta Knight and taking him on yerself! Yar! No time fer that at all!" Mario yelled.

"Sorry… I wont do that ever again…" DK said.

The ship was sinking and only one side of the ship was left. They ran into Mario's room.

"Yar! This be how I be going down! I never be expecting this to be how it end! Yar!" Mario said, with a tear in his eye.

Just then the phone started ringing.

"Yar! I be getting that now!" Mario said.

"Wait… we have a phone? Are you saying we could have just called for help instead of setting fire to our own ship? ARE YOU SAYING ALL THAT DEATH WAS UNNECESSARY?" DK screamed.

"Yar! No… I be saying I be going to go answer the phone now! Yar!" Mario said.

"Oh… OK… I guess I didn't hear you correctly then" DK said and calmed down.

"Yar! Who be it! Speak quickly!" Mario said as water started seeping into his room.

"Is your refrigerator running?" Jigglypuff asked while suppressing a giggle.

"Yar! I be not having refrigeration! Yar! That be why me crew be getting scurvy so much! Yar!" Mario answered.

"Scurvy? More like MANURE!" Jigglypuff screamed into the phone and then hung up, laughing as hard as she could.

"Yar! How do manure and scurvy be sounding the same to that caller? Yar! People be weird these days! Yar!" Mario said as water was now up to almost the roof.

"Well… I guess this is it… I love you man…" DK said crying.

"Yar! Stop yer crying! We can make it still! Yar!" Mario said as he grabbed DK by the wrist and tried to swim out of the room. Having patches over each of your eyes can make this a hard deal though. Mario just kept slapping into walls until he drowned.

DK got Ebola and died that way.

* * *

Yar! This be a fun story!

Twice as long as the average Joeban chapter! With three times the yawning and four times the lack of inspiration!

Anyway… I hope you like this new, butchered form of English that is my story. I suggest you watch Pee Wee's Playhouse… or Venture Brothers… or Family Guy… or Aqua Teen Hunger Force… or ANYTHING comedy in adult swim that isn't Tom goes to the Mayor… Tom goes to the Mayor is to comedy what Inuyasha is to anime…

If that last paragraph offended you then whatever…

Here's the deal though… you should be offended simply if I say "there is no God"… your ancestors went through pain and trial and death all for this person named God and you'd actually turn on them all like that? If not for your family then for acceptance! And if not for acceptance then for… umm… well… you can have wine at the sacrament and stuff… or if you don't have wine then… umm… potluck dinners… or something…


	2. Naming the ship!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 2: Naming the ship**

Disclaimer: I don't know if this idea has ever been done before… but this is the first I've seen of it. I don't own SSBM or the new SSBB. I don't own the idea of pirate ships…

Reviews: You will be given a free hair sample if you review…

Gold Stars: I'm feeling like KEEPING ALL OF THEM! THEY'RE MY GOLD STARS! YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY!

I remember when it amazed me to get three good reviews when I started my advertisements fic… so… I'm never going to complain unless I get less than three good reviews… I doubt this will get even two good reviews though…

Sorry about the break... my school has a huge summer project and I decided to start doing it while summer is still here...

ICP! BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER! THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS!

(insert a break here because the button to do so seems to be broken at the moment because FFN seems to be incompetant)

"Captain… there's an important matter I think we need to worry about" Ness said, walking up to Mario.

"Yar! I be worrying!" Mario said.

"Umm… yeah… we need to name our ship something…" Ness said.

"What ye be talking 'bout matey?" Mario asked.

"Well… all ships have names… and if we're going to be real pirates then we need to name our boat too" Ness said.

"What kind of names be ye talking 'bout?" Mario asked.

"Stuff like the HMS Bismark, or Queen Anne's Revenge" Ness said.

"Yar! I've just the name! The FFS Stealing Money From Innocents! Yar!" Mario said.

"Are you sure about that?" Ness asked.

"Be ye questioning the captain? Yar! I smell mutiny afoot!" Mario yelled and pulled his sword. He went to kill Ness, but having patches on his eyes he missed and stabbed Peach.

"Oh did I win?" Peach asked as the sword went through her stomach.

"Yar? When did yer voice get high-pitched like that Ness?" Mario asked

"Oh did I win?" Peach asked as she fell to the ground, a bloody mess.

"Yar! It be no matter! Ye be dead an' I be getten yer salary!" Mario yelled.

"Actually, you killed Peach, not me" Ness said.

"Yar! I still be getten yer salary!" Mario yelled.

"Whatever…" Ness said and walked off.

Everyone was about to throw Jigglypuff overboard for being a girl.

"How do you know I'm not a boy? It's physically possible for Jigglypuffs to be boys too you know!" Jigglypuff yelled.

Zelda decided she'd rather not risk it and threw Jigglypuff overboard. Jigglypuff climbed back onto the ship.

"Dang it! We need to kill all the girls before they curse us!" Zelda yelled.

"You're just being a sexist!" DK yelled and popped Zelda's face with his hands.

"Ew!" Ness said.

"Yar! Be ye messin with Ness's innocent mind? Yar! Ye be sick!" Mario yelled at DK.

"I'm fine really…" Ness said.

"Ye shut up ye landlubbing scurvy ridden dog!" Mario yelled.

"Whatever…" Ness said and walked off.

"Now! To pain the name of the ship 'pon the ship itself! Yar!" Mario said.

"How are we going to do that when we're out in the middle of the sea with no land anywhere in sight?" Ness asked.

"Yar! Get the rope!" Mario yelled.

(Some time later)

Mario and DK were holding onto the rope as Kirby was dangling off the edge of the ship with the rope tied around him. Sadly, the rope was tied in such a way that putting pressure on it would tighten it. Mario and DK pulled as hard as they could. Kirby popped.

"Yar! What be that noise about?" Mario asked.

"I think we killed him!" DK yelled.

"That's not good…" Ness said.

"Yar! Tis be nuthin! Get Jigglypuff!" Mario yelled.

So DK went to get Jigglypuff. He couldn't find her anywhere. He looked in his room, he looked in the toilets, but no matter where he looked he just couldn't find her.

"I'm right here!" Jigglypuff yelled to DK.

"DK turned around in confusion. Sadly, as he was turning around, he stepped on Jigglypuff, popping her.

(Back with Mario and Ness)

Mario was holding onto the rope as Ness was hanging off the edge. Sadly, Mario's arms were just wooden and so he couldn't grip the rope. Ness fell and landed in the water. The impact didn't kill him, but the jellyfish did.

DK came back with the pink gooey remains of Jigglypuff.

"Tis be perfect! Yar! Hook her up!" Mario yelled as DK looked for the rope.

"Where's the rope? And where's Ness?" DK asked.

"They be sleepin in the watery depths of Davy Jones' Locker!" Mario yelled.

"Well tell them to wake up and get out of that man's locker!" DK yelled.

Mario shot DK for his incompetence.

"Yar! I be needen a person that can fly! Yar!" Mario yelled to his crew.

"I can do it!" Falco yelled and jumped off the boat. Sadly, he was wearing a jacket at the time and so no matter how hard he flapped his wings he couldn't catch any air. He hit the water. The water hit him back. He died of salmonella.

"Yar! Be there anyone else?" Mario asked.

"I'll go…" Marth said dramatically.

"No…" Roy said holding his hand on Marth's shoulder.

"I have to do this Roy…" Marth said.

"I understand" Roy said, looking down in sorrow.

So Marth jumped off, missed, and died.

"NOOOOO!" Roy yelled looking up to the sky with anger. "You did this to me!"

"What did I have to do with anything?" the sky replied. Nobody heard it though.

"Yar! I'll do it meself ye dogs!" Mario yelled and jumped off with a paintbrush. He painted the name on the boat in several places and jumped back up.

"How did you do that?" everyone asked.

"Yar! I be using tis new Swiffer product!" Mario said holding up a Swiffer Vac.

"WTF?" Roy yelled looking up to the sky with sorrow.

"Yar! Now that we be named lets plunder us some booty!" Mario yelled pointing to an island right in front of them.

"Yay!" Everyone yelled.

"Full speed ahead!" Mario yelled to Fox, who had no control over how fast the ship was going anyway. Fox nodded.

The ship crashed into the island and sank, killing everyone.

(insert a break here because FFN is incompetant and keeps messing around with things that dont need to be changed)

Oh dear…

Kirby popped…

I bet you didn't see that one coming…

I bet you did…

I bet twelve dollars on the green horse…

Bet person dude: Sir… the horse is green because it is sick… are you sure you want to bet on it?

I raise twenty-seven yen!

Bet person dude: Whatever…

(Green horse wins)

Remember… never doubt a sick horse…

That's the lesson for today…

Good night…


	3. Raiding the Lost Fridge

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 3: **Raiding the Lost Fridge

Disclaimer: I don't own people. I don't pwn people… According to the top scientists of the world I just suck at everything. I'm just a little n00b trying to get attention. Fortunately for me, I seem to do a good job of getting that attention. Negative or positive it doesn't really matter.

Reviews: You will be given a free hair sample if you review…

Gold Stars:

If you feel like the use of gold stars is demeaning and rude and hurts your self esteem then -∞! (That's negative infinity for all you who can't see/read/talk)

If you respect the wonderful gold star: 99!

I've decided to revert back to my original fanfiction goal, before humor was the only thing on my mind. I just want to have fun. Simple. Whee...

ICP!

(error on page whenever I try to press the stupid line button... oh well... the story is starting now... so yeah... have fun reading it or whatever... blah blah blah blah... I'm shutting up now)

"Yar! We be getting booty tonight!" Mario yelled waiving his sword in the general direction of France.

"Why do you always have to waive it at France! That's disrespectful!" Peach yelled before getting thrown overboard by all the rodents. Sadly, the rodents strained themselves in the attempt to carry someone so much more heavy than them and they soon died of exhaustion.

Peach was eaten alive by Frenchmen. Oh I can smell the irony. I can't read anything ironic, but I sure can smell it.

"Yar! Stinky!" Mario yelled kicking the steering wheel so hard it fell off.

"NOOOO! WE'RE STUCK!" Popo screamed as he and Nana had gotten stuck in the toilet.

"I fixed the toilet problem sir! Now we're not taking on water!" DK said with pride.

Nana was eaten alive by Popo.

"YOU SICK FREAK!" Peach yelled to Mario. Who was trying to eat a Frenchman.

Just then the steering wheel rolled off the ship.

"Yar! Who be wanting scurvy!" Mario asked holding up free samples of the sickness.

"MEEE! MEEE!" Falco cried out like a fan it.

"And our lucky winner is Germany!" Mario yelled injecting Germany with scurvy, killing everyone who lived there. Fortunately, everyone in German has dual citizenship, so they were only halfway killed.

"I smell burning flesh…" Bowser said, soon realizing he was on fire.

"FIRE ON DECK!" Ness screamed. The other pirates misinterpreted this and launched all the cannons and guns at their deck. Blowing a hole wide open and killing Bowser.

"Yar! No one abandon their post! Yar! We be going down with the ship!" Mario yelled.

"But we never even left port yet! We're not going down with the ship because the ship isn't going down!" Ness said.

"Yar! Lost treasure!" Mario yelled leading his team of crack-addicted warriors into battle against the Huns.

"That's politically incorrect slash incoherent!" Roy screamed with the voice of Darth Vader.

"NOO… wait… screw that… I'm sick of screaming no… I'm going to go play some solitaire…" Darth Vader yelled slash incoherent with the voice of Luke SkyNarth

"Yar! The treasure be North!" Mario screamed and tried to jump to the dock. He missed and hit the beach instead.

"Yar! I be drowning!" Mario yelled as he tried to get eaten by the fish on the beach. Sadly, all the fish were playing poker and were too busy to eat poor old Mario.

Marth's hairspray backfired and he died.

"THERE'S A MURDERER ON DECK!" DK screamed so loudly that his feet revolted and declared their own independent republic of google dot com.

"Traitors!" DK yelled and threw some lice at the feet. They were eaten alive. Their last words were "never forget…"

DK forgot. He tried to walk away but tripped and fell into a wormhole.

"Yar! I be avenging ye!" Mario yelled waiving his peg-arms around in anger.

"Where's the treasure captain? Samus asked with an eye in her eye" Samus asked.

"Are you still talking in third person?" Ness asked.

"Samus knows what you mean… and really cool and stuff and so talks in third person" Samus said.

Samus's suit had a malfunction and flushed. She died.

"I'm not even going to pretend to know what just happened…" Ness said as his head grew several inches in diameter.

"Yar! On to the treasure!" Mario yelled charging the first house he saw.

"LIAR!" Yoshi yelled and threw his eyes at Mario. Mario took the eyes and used them to see the house, then gave them back politely.

"Thanks…" Mario said and charged.

"LIAR!" Yoshi yelled and stuck is tongue out at Mario, killing a random passerby in the process.

"NO! MY HUSBAND!" Jigglypuff yelled clutching onto Pichu.

"Aren't I underage?" Pichu asked.

"Not if you don't want to be!" Jigglypuff winked with a say.

"What?" Pichu asked before Zeus decided to kill them both.

"Aww… I wanted to do that!" Buddha cried with jealousy.

"Hey! They were Christians! I'm the one who's supposed to be able to kill them!" Jesus said angrily.

"Aww… that's no fair! Everyone's a Christian now!" Zeus said with a dollar in his eye.

Fox killed them all with his cheap move set.

"Yar! Push forward men!" Mario yelled as his pirate crew continued its charge.

"Nah… I think I'll take a break here" Luigi said sitting down on a bench and enjoying the sunset.

"Yar! There be no time for that here! When the clock strikes twelve we be losing the treasure forever! Yar!" Mario yelled as everyone got more motivated and charged the first house they saw in the village.

"Why hello there young man… are you here to sell me a vacuum cleaner?" an old granny said while winking.

"Yes" Roy said and gouged the old grannies eyes out.

"Ooh… I like it when I can't see… it adds adventure to the whole experience!" the old granny said.

"Yes" Roy said and sold the old lady on ebay. She died during the electronic conversion.

"Damn…" Roy geletationed as he walked away.

"Yar! Don't be walking away! The treasure still be hiding within these walls! Yar!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! I like boys!" Ness said, parodying the captain.

"n00b!" the society of under grown midgets yelled together in a swarm.

"AHHH!" Ness screamed as his head grew several centimeters in diameter. "Speaking of which! One inch is two point five four centimeters!"

"CONFUSING!" Captain Falcon yelled failing his physics class.

"America is dum" Gannondorf said, even though he had no idea where or what America was"

"LIAR!" Ness said as he walked out of his local patriot shop.

"K" Gannondorf said as he charged into the house of mystery and stuff.

A book started gnawing on Gannondorf leg.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Gannondorf cried as he turned on the TV and started enjoying some Three's Company.

"I LOVE THIS SHOW!" Falco yelled and jumped on to the sofa to watch.

"Yar! There be no time for that now! We be needing to find the treasure of lost souls!" Mario yelled as several small children stared in wonder.

"KILL THE INFADELS!" Mewtwo screamed and pulled out a several dollar bill.

"Only for you…" A dark animeish figure said with a dark and moody wink.

"Is that even possible?" Ness asked.

"Yes" the dark animeish figure said with a wink. Then snapped Ness's head off with a cool animeish move and disappeared forever.

"NOOO! ANOTHER MYSTERY TO BE SOLVED!" Gannondorf screamed as the book gnawing on his leg had gotten through to the bone.

"I'm a real boy!" Zelda said as she turned into Sheik and jumped into the refrigerator. A salami sandwich ate her.

"A salami sandwich may have eaten her… but did it eat her… TO DEATH?" Link asked with a grin the size of Tibet.

"Yes" Young Link said "matter o flat".

"The matter of flat is equal to the quantitive proportions relating directly to the size of one's third eye!" Dr. Mayalati Newton said with a grin that made all the girls faint. Roy fainted/died, as did Dr. Mayalati.

"Yar! We be getting close to the treasure!" Mario yelled.

Just as Link was about to say something, a wormhole opened up above him and DK landed on him, breaking all his bones and causing him to lose half of his virginity.

"I'm a virgin at that age?" Y. Link asked with a tear in his eye.

"Well no DUH! You were SLEEPING for seven years! What did you THINK would happen?" DK said while wearing a top hat.

"Where did you get that?" Y. Link asked.

"Wall Mart!" DK replied.

"SELL OUT!" Young Link asked.

"Reel Gib Shif!" DK replied.

"K" Young Link said killing himself for having lost the argument. His death was very funny and comical and involved a fairy… being shoved down his throat at high velocities… yeah…

"Yar! DK! Ye be the only one here! We be sharing the plunder!" Mario yelled with glee.

"What about me?" Kirby asked.

Mario shot Kirby.

"I do not approve!" George W. Bush said while arguing with France… the ground… not the French people or government, just the actual soil of France.

"You idiot! France doesn't HAVE soil!" Condaleeeeza Rice yelled at Bush.

"I'd totally do you!" Clinton yelled barging into the room.

"What did I tell you about bothering me at work?" Condaleeeeeza Rice yelled at Clinton.

"I'm sowwy…" Clinton said looking down at the ground.

UFO's killed all three of those people…

Mario opened the refrigerator.

"Can't we just call it a fridge?" DK asked.

"NO!" Mario yelled as he then peered inside the refrigerator.

"LAWL LAWL!" a piece of ham screamed jumping up and down while holding a spear.

"DK died" Mario said.

"Aww… do you really want me dead?" DK started crying. "I thought we had something special!"

The Ham threw a spear at DK, killing Dr. Mario.

"Call in the pirate crew that's actual worth something!" Mario yelled as Wario, Zero Suit Samus, Meta Knight, Snake, and Pit ran into the room.

Wario's fat hit Zero Suit Samus and she melted.

"Now only guys are left! That's sexist!" DK yelled.

"What about me?" Pit said with a wink.

They all caught colds and died.

Mario was the only one left now. He looked around sadly. All had been lost. Except the treasure… he WOULD get that treasure.

Mario stuck his hand into the fridge and pulled out a treasure chest. Inside held the secret to all of humanity. He opened it. It was a Barbie doll.

"YAY!" Mario yelled. "WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED!"

The Barbie doll's eyes glowed red and possessed Mario. He walked into a meat grinder and died.

It's over.

(Back on the ship)

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Popo asked as he was still stuck in the toilet.

"Here… I'll help…" Fox said throwing his gun at Popo, it got lodged in his eye.

"AHHH! THAT ISN'T VERY HELPFUL!" Popo screamed in bloody pain.

"Here… this oughta help…" Fox said planting a time bomb on Popo.

"YOU SON OF A BI…"

The ship exploded in a fiery ball of Monopoly pieces.

The Monty Python troupe ran out on stage.

"And that's our show!" They yelled and soon after all died of heart attacks.

(linelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelinelineline)

Yes… Monty Python wrote all of that… I didn't write a thing.

Although you've probably noticed it isn't like most of what the Monty Python troupe does. The main difference between this and what most of their stuff is is the lack of boobs thrown in at random intervals.

And yeah…

Whee…

It's an update…

I demand an official apology from Poland when this is all over…

Everybody Jumps to the Juggalo sound! F(censored) out of here if you ain't down with the clowns!


	4. An Actual Battle!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 4: **An actual battle!

Disclaimer: I don't own a gun. I don't own scalding hot peanuts made with the intention of dumping down someone's pants. I don't own myself.

Reviews: Mommy, what's a review?

Gold Stars:

If you are as stupid as my English class then -9

If you are as smart as my Phriend in mei phisecks clas thein 52?

Boo

I'm currently in my own little form of hell… and I'm going to be here for another year I'm guessing… oh well…

ICP!!!

* * *

"Yar! The butt pirates of Malaskani be 'pon us!" Mario yelled, pointing at the toilet.

"Yar to you too!" Meta Knight yelled from his ship, pointing at Mario's ship.

"Yar! Ye' be the new pirates?" Mario asked.

"Yar! That be we!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Knights be bad pirates!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Ye be a bad pirate yeself!" Meta Knight screamed.

"Yar! I not be seeing any peg legs on yer tiny body! Ye be a bad pirate!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! I be blowing a hole in yer ship if ye don't shut yer mouth!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Ye don't even have a name fer yer ship!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! We be havin' a better name than ye!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Nothing be better than FFS Stealing Money From Innocents!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Halberd be better than that name any day!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Nuh uh!" Mario yelled in a whiney voice.

"Yar! Yuh huh!" Meta Knight yelled back.

"Yar! Yer mama!" Mario yelled.

With this all the guns on Meta Knight's ship fired upon Mario's ship.

…

Sadly, Meta Knight had forgotten to install weapons on his ship before he left port.

"Yar! Ha ha!" Mario yelled and then fired on Meta Knight's ship.

"Yar! Let's see ye do better!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! Position the cannons!" Mario yelled to his crew.

…

Nothing happened.

…

"Yar?" Mario asked.

(Somewhere in the ship)

Mario's crew was playing strip poker.

"That's four aces and a king!" Falco said, throwing his hand on the table.

"Dang it!" Ness yelled.

"You have to take off your hat!" Peach giggled.

Ness stood up and threw his hat off. All the girls started giggling.

"It's so big!" Zelda said.

"I know, it's crazy!" Samus yelled.

"I mean, his head is freakishly huge. It's like a growth or something!" Peach giggled.

"I'm big in other places too!" Ness said, winking.

"Like where?" Zelda asked, staring at him.

"My… erm… toenails… I guess…" Ness said.

"Ew!" Samus screamed, vomiting in her suit. She fell over, unable to breath as the vomit clogged her helmet. She suffocated in a pile of her own vomit.

"Wow… chicks totally dig him" Link said, pointing jealously at Ness, to Roy.

"Yeah, let's get revenge…" Roy said, pulling out his sword.

Peach heard this and choked Roy to death with his own fingernail clippings that had been stored up for years on the ship.

"Where did you keep those? I've been looking for those for years!" Ness yelled.

Peach giggled.

"Why did you want Roy's fingernail clippings?" Link asked cautiously.

"I just happen to know how to seduce women with things like toenails and fingernails" Ness said with a wink.

Link vomited with so much force his head exploded.

(Back with Mario and Meta Knight)

"Yar! Why is yer ship in the toilet anyway?" Mario asked.

"Yar! We be findin' no other place to sail!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! That be stupid!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! Shut up! Where be yer crew anyway!" Meta Knight asked.

"Yar! They be not comin'!" Mario yelled.

"Yar! C'mon mateys! We have them scurvy dogs now!" Meta Knight yelled.

Pit, Wario, Zero Suit Samus, and Snake all came up behind Meta Knight.

"Yar! Is that it!?" Mario asked.

"Yar! The others be on lunch break!" Meta Knight yelled.

"Yar! I can take ye with both arms tied behind me back!" Mario yelled.

Meta Knight threw Zero Suit Samus at Mario. Mario did a backflip over Zero Suit Samus. Sadly, as Mario was above Zero Suit Samus he continued on with the flip, slamming the back of his head into Zero Suit Samus's head. There was a sickening crack as both of them lay on the ground, blood seeping out from beneath them.

Just then DK came out from the ship.

"Do you know where we keep the napkins, Link just vomited everywhere and…" DK stopped mid-sentence and stared at the scene before him.

"KILL!" DK yelled and charged Meta Knight.

Meta Knight picked Pit up and threw him at DK, DK just brushed his body away and kept running. Meta Knight then took Snake and threw him at DK. DK brushed him away too and continued the charge. Meta Knight desperately went to pick Wario up. He failed miserably and was crushed under the weight. The force of Wario falling on top of Meta Knight broke a hole in the deck. Which broke a hole in the ship. The ship sunk and was then eaten by jellyfish.

"What were jellyfish doing in our toilet?" DK asked.

"Pets…" Popo said as he walked in and dumped Nana's corpse into the toilet.

"How did she die?" DK asked.

"Pets…" Popo said.

"Who's pets?" DK asked.

"Pets" Popo said.

"This is going nowhere…" DK said and shoved Popo into the toilet and slammed the cover over it. There were struggles and there was death. DK was the one who died. Popo retired and lived a long happy life in that toilet.

"Yay! I'm the new captain!" Ness yelled.

"Not if I can't help it!" Falco yelled.

"Now let's look at that. You're saying not if you can't help it. That's a double negative. You're saying only if you can help it, and since you physically CAN help it, I guess that means I AM the new captain!" Ness yelled.

"I concur!" Falco yelled, flipping of the people who would have disagreed with Ness's captain…ness…shtick…hood…

"What's your first order, captain?" Peach asked, giggling.

"I want more beer than is consumed by Germany every twelve seconds!" Ness yelled. Everyone stared at him in shock.

"That's a lot of beer…" Yoshi said in shock.

"I want more old school Green Day, Sum 41, Blink 182, the Killers, and other such bands than you can shake a stick at!"

"Wow… and I can shake a stick at twelve of that…" Yoshi said.

"What are you talking about? That isn't even a conceivable measurement! How can there be twelve of that?" Falco yelled.

"Shut up! I'm the nerd! You can't question me!" Ness yelled as Peach giggled.

Marth walked up to Peach and planted a time bomb. He then ran off as fast as he could.

"Boom!" Peach yelled and giggled.

There was a small explosion as Marth jumped off the ship, narrowly missing the flames. The whole ship began to sink as Marth held on to a chunk of wood, keeping him afloat.

"I did it…" he said.

Jellyfish ate Marth dead.

Sharks came and ate Marth alive again.

"Yay!" Marth yelled.

Marth accidentally impaled himself on a sea sponge and died.

(Somewhere in Germany)

Two people were arm wrestling when one of them pulled a muscle and crapped his pants simultaneously. This is a first time event, and has a lot to do with the story.

* * *

And here's three cheers for Yoshizilla, who has like… 15 of the front page 25 stories on the SSB section of fanfiction (or at least he did around the time of me writing this)… which is fine… because it seems like he's the last regular updater left…

I'm sorry I'm so irregular… I mean… my posting is irregular… my bowel movements are irregular… I'm part of a death metal rock band named the irregular cookie munchers… I don't know how I'm regular…

So really… sorry…

R&F… Read and Fandango


	5. A Real Adventure

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 5: **A Real Adventure!

**Disclaimer**: I own my own lack of updates. I don't own several things in this story, I'm not quite sure what. SSBM is owned by nintendo. Anything else will be mentioned when I remember

**Gold Stars**:

Awww crap... 5 trillion gold stars to razzkat and Act II... and uhyeahitsteamdark...

I can say I hate people who don't try in school, and I can say I hate straight A students... but It's just easier to sum it all up by saying I'm completely sick of humanity.

* * *

"Arr! I've found a map!" Mario yelled, waiving a piece of toilet paper around. 

"That's toilet paper you idiot" Ness sighed.

"We could have had days of fun pretending that was a map! You went and ruined it! I hate you!" Kirby cried. Kirby then grew black hair and listened to _The Soul is Soulish and Souls of Sorrow, Unedited: version 3.095 experts version_ on hard mode.

"How are you listening to something on hard mode?" Ness asked.

Kirby couldn't respond, as he was jumping around the deck trying to catch the notes in his ears. Sadly, Kirby didn't have ears, and so the notes bounced off of his body and ended up knocking him off the boat. The sharks consumed him before he had even hit the water.

"This is getting silly" Ness said.

"Yar! Do none of ye scurvy dogs care about the map!?" Mario asked. He hadn't heard a thing that had gone on, as in addition to his two eye patches he had gotten two ear patchs and nostril patches.

"Why haven't I killed myself yet?" Ness asked.

"Why do you get to talk so much is a better question! I want to sit around and make comments about how stupid the crew is for once!" Captain Falcon cried.

"Go ahead" Ness said and walked off the stage. Sadly, the stage was the boat. The sharks consumed him before he had even made it off the stage. They were hungry sharks.

"Erm... umm... that was... erm... boobies!" Captain Falcon screamed. He then spent hours laughing about the witty comment he had said. He went to tell his friends, which means he was alone for the rest of the day.

"YAR! WHY BE NONE OF YE TALKIN 'BOUT TIS MAP I FOUND! 'TIS BE AN ADVENTURE LADS!" Mario yelled.

DK walked up to Mario and rubbed his neck in brail. Mario instantly understood what was going on.

"Ahoy! We're off to Treasure Island!" Mario screamed.

They began to sail for Treasure Island, sadly, it wasn't on the map, and they fell off the world in their attempts to reach the island.

Of course, this map was made of toilet paper, so Great Britain wasn't on the map either... it fell off the world.

Strangely, some four year old kid had toilet paper with Great Britain on it, so Great Britain jumped back onto the world again.

Enough of these continental shifts, lets get back to the crew.

"I'm captain Jack Sparrow!" the annoying guy from the annoying movie that makes women and certain men faint said.

"There's a ship coming up from Port side, nope, Broad side, nope wait... HE'S RIGHT ABOVE US SIR!" Fox screamed.

The Black Pearl landed on top of the rusty spoon the Smash crew had been using for a ship.

"And it all worked out in the end!" Mario said, with a hippy voice, and hippy hair that had sprouted like some kind of growth. It was actually pulsating slightly.

"Oh don't mind that, it's the curse of the rusty spoon" Jack said.

The Black Pearl drowned, like all black things.

"That's RACIST!" DK screamed.

"Why do you care?" Falco asked.

"Because I'm a monkey, I'm close enough" DK said.

"That's RACIST!" DK screamed.

"You said it" Falco said. He was getting giddy, because he was taking Ness's place as first mate and second lover on the ship who commented about things and stuff and junk and crap and bodangle dot com where you can save thousands of dollers each week on your car insurance... if your current insurer sucks of course.

"Captain! We need help under deck! Apparently, it's a rusty spoon, and so there isn't an under deck! We don't know where we've been sitting the whole time!" Peach cried.

Mario had been dead for a while now, that growth having engulfed his entire body.

"We're all going to die!" Peach cried.

People ran in circles screaming. Roy and Marth ran in circles so fast they fainted, landed on their swords, and survived because they had landed on the flat sides.

"We're lucky!" Marth cried.

"You didn't really faint! You're a faker!" Roy screamed.

"Hey neither did you! You're a hypocrit!" Marth screamed.

They jumped at each other, and in the messy blob of a fight that followed, both ended up decapitating themselves with odd use of orange juice.

"Land! I see land! We aren't going to die!" Fox shouted.

The ship landed, and the remaining crew got out of whatever they were in and went ashore. Pichu had climbed into a tree to see more of the island, but was taken by a hawk and carried away.

Pikachu chased the hawk, so the hawk came back and got him too. Don't worry though, that was what he was hoping for.

On the island there was a big sign. It read: "WELCOME TO THE ISLAND OF LOST CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT".

"This lacks character development" Peach said dully.

"The curse is already in effect! It's right above us!" Fox screamed.

The growth that had engulfed Mario now fell from the sky and landed on Luigi, causing blood stains and splatter marks to get everywhere.

"I'm OK!" Luigi shouted.

Luigi wasn't OK. He was killed my an all American organization that frowned upon liars.

"How long have they been following us?" Peach asked.

"They were the sharks" Falco said.

"How could you tell?" Peach asked.

"I'm a bird, with eyes" Falco said.

"Blashphemy!" Peach cried. She was praised by the all American organization for use of that word.

"Shut up everyone! Mario wanted to find treasure before he died! I think we would be honoring him if we went and got treasure for the rest of the crew!" Yoshi yelled. "Let's be brave!"

"I think the question is, with a captain like that, do we even want to honor him?" Falco asked.

The whole crew died except for DK, Falco, Peach, and Yoshi.

"Yay! Now no interuptions! Lets talk! I like video games, I was playing Counter Strike, and I shot a guy, and I was like, 'hahaha' and then I got shot and it was so cheap and like" Peach died.

"TO TREASURE!" Yoshi shouted.

"Whatever" Falco said.

"This is still racist, so you know, and it's racist because you haven't even apologized yet!" DK yelled.

"Whatever" Falco said.

So they went to get treasure.

They kept going.

Yoshi broke his spine... this was years ago and he had already recovered... I'm just giving some backstory... becuase that's what good stories do.

"Can you really recover from breaking your spine?" Falco asked.

"How did you know about that!?" Yoshi asked, getting scared, fearing stalking, other words.

"I stalk you" Falco said.

"K," Yoshi said. "Just keep it outside."

They kept going.

"Isn't it strange how there hasn't been any kind of eventful anything after falling off the world and killing the Pirates that make women and certain men faint and landing on an island and having a curse and growth and death... to put this in a simpler way, why hasn't anything happened?" Falco asked.

Just then, the growth, secretly the thing that had killed the rest of the crew and had just finished killing the all American organization, jumped out of the trees, poised to strike at DK.

It ran into a hawk and failed.

"I guess I'm just lucky" DK said.

The random number generator generated a four, and that four happened to land right on top of DK, killing him instantly. He was lucky enough to get killed by a four, the lucky bastard.

"I guess it's just us." Falco said.

"I guess it's up to us to repopulate the island!" Yoshi said with hope in his voice.

"EW! NO! I was going to say lets get out of here before something happens to us!" Falco screamed.

"I wanted to start a family though! And now it doesn't look like I'll ever get the opportunity..." Yoshi said, looking down with sorrow.

"Guess not" Falco said. "Now lets go back. I'm tired of being a typical retard, I want to get to the boat, get out of here, move to the city, and make a living like any other normal person!"

"You're a walking talking bird... that's impossible" Yoshi said.

Falco broke down into tears, literally, he exploded into water, and was cried out of an indian nearby. And before you go off saying that the island WAS populated because indians were there, you have to remember, indians aren't real people, which is why the name isn't capitalized. (Pick whatever kind of indian you want me to have been talking about, I don't care).

"I'm all alone!" Yoshi screamed. He couldn't take it any longer, he turned and ran back for the shore. He was blind with fear, all he knew is he had to get back to the boat.

He tripped on a treasure chest that had been lying around and snapped his neck.

"Now that's an adventure!" Jack Sparrow, he who must never stop making women and certain men faint, said. He took the treasure chest and carried it back to the boat. He bought an HD TV with it and did advertisements about HD TV for the rest of his days.

Of course Yoshi wasn't dead yet, and so we can't end the story yet... he was paralyzed from the neck down in an unfamiliar jungle island with no hope of rescue.

And he wouldn't die.

(time passes by)

Yoshi has been sitting there for weeks without dying. I'm getting bored, I want to end the story. Why won't Yoshi hurry up and die so we can continue!?

Just then, the four year old child with toilet paper with Great Britain on it used up the last of his toilet paper. Great Britain was no longer on the map. It fell off the world and landed straight on Yoshi.

Jack Sparrow was caught in the explosion that happens when you combine Great Britain with pirates and near-death dinosaurs.

And yet Yoshi didn't die.

Years later Yoshi had become an old man with several children and 949320976503184986834975 grandchildren... one of his kids was just freaking creepy. Anyway, he had enslaved the local population and built the next great society, all while he sat there paralyzed from the neck down.

He died of AIDS.

* * *

Sorry for the female readers out there, as I realize you must have fainted several times while reading that story. Get to a hospital if you need to, and I'll see if there's any way I can help you with the medical bills.

Sorry for the readers out there who were offended by the jokes that were kinda racist... I make it up to you by saying I was searched for drugs by cops because I was wearing a black hoodie in the middle of summer in a ghetto looking car, so we have something in common.

A simpler way to do this would be to say... Sorry for the readers out there, you read a BS story and are likely feeling that your life isn't complete now.

And I don't think I'm too mad at society anymore... Humor does a lot for the soul... I actually smiled when I wrote this... huzzah! Recovery from a life of whatever it was I've been living the past year! It's like the different voices in my head rose up in rebellion and held me hostage for a while or something along those lines.


	6. There's Mutiny Afoot!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 6: **There's Mutiny Afoot!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it (I don't know if that's what disclaimers are supposed to be though... doesn't disclaimer mean something along the lines of "I'm not responcible if you beat yourself over the head with this story so don't sue me")... whatever... just read it and give the credit to Nintendo... :( (not sure what the point I'm trying to make is... I feel like a violin)

**Gold Stars**:

Awww crap... 5000 trillion gold stars to Act II

Snow Patrol! (omfg it's music that makes me feel good inside!!!)

* * *

"Yar! Last time on 'Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!'" Mario said directly to the camera.

_We cut to a flashback where the Island of Lost Character Development is inhabited by approximately 949320976503184986834975 Yoshis._

_"This lacks character development" Peach said dully._

_"How are you listening to something on hard mode?" Ness asked._

_"Arr! I've found a map!" Mario yelled, waiving a piece of toilet paper around. _

_"That's toilet paper you idiot" Ness sighed._

We uncut to reality.

"You played the flashback backwards you idiot!" Ness screamed.

"Yar!" Mario agreed.

"Well then play it the right way!" Ness screamed.

The flashback fell off the boat and was devoured by Muppets.

"Yar! 'Tis be a curse 'pon ye kids!" Mario yelled to the Muppets, throwing Ness at the Muppets.

Ness devoured the Muppets.

"Yar! We be sailin to the Island of Lost Character Development! I left me watch there!" Mario yelled to the crew.

"Didn't we all die at that island though?" Falco asked.

"Shut up!" Ness screamed. "You only get to make comments about the situation after I've died!" Ness screamed.

Falco shot Ness.

Ness fell over.

"Ha! Now I get to make all the comments I want!" Falco screamed.

"Yar! Quit beating on the boy an' set full sail!" Mario screamed, pointing to the end of the toilet paper world.

"Fox! You heard the man!" Falco screamed.

"Yeah... so?" Fox said.

So Falco set the sails to full.

"Can you set me to full?" Peach asked, winking.

Peach was set to full. She exploded.

"Yar! Enough Shinanigans! Fox! Which direction is the Island of Lost Character Development!" Mario asked.

"I never actually knew that sir..." Fox said, looking down with Shame. Shame was looking down at a nickel, Fox was looking down at that very same nickel.

Shame sued Fox for copyright infringement.

Fox shot Shame's lawyers.

"I hate you!?" Shame asked.

The Judge nodded.

"I HATE YOU!!!" Shame screamed.

Shame left the ship.

"Yar! Good job Fox! Now we pirates have no shame! Yo ho!" Mario laughed. "Still, we need to find that island!"

"Wait a second, is it just me or is Mario actually taking charge of the situation?" Ness asked.

"Aren't you dead!?" Falco asked.

"You only shot me... you never specified where or if it was fatal" Ness said.

"It was in the face" Falco said.

Ness died.

"Anyway, he's right! We can't find the Island of Lost Character Development as long as Mario develops as a character!" Falco screamed.

"Actually, it's right there" Fox said, pointing to an island that had just been spotted off the portside.

"Enough of your science talk!" Falco screamed. "We need to kill Mario if we're going to get anywhere as a pirate crew!"

"Yar! Do I smell mutiny afoot!?" Mario cried.

"No, you hear it" Fox said.

"I see through your plans!" Falco screamed. "You just want to take my position as the person who makes comments about the situation! Well it's not going to work!"

Falco then ran off to his bedroom to write in his diary about how unfair life was.

DK walked into the room.

"DK, you need to stop thinking that it's legal for us to be in a bedroom alone" Falco said.

"I'm just here to say that I'd support you in a mutiny" DK said.

"Yar! Do I smell mutiny afoot!?" Mario cried, having been here the whole time.

"Once again, no you only hear it" Fox said.

"Yar!" Mario responded.

"What are you all doing in my bedroom!?" Falco screamed.

"This whole story has currently been taking place in your bedroom, which also happens to be the deck." Fox said.

"Oh!" Falco said, happy to have that whole problem dealt with.

"Anyway, you need to walk the plank now that we know what you're up to" Fox said.

"You can't do that! We're best friends!" Falco cried.

"No, we're business partners and you never even liked me" Fox said, secretly crying on the inside.

"Yar! Walk the plank!" Mario screamed, pointing the new hook he had installed in place of his bellybutton at Falco.

"FOR FREEDOM!" DK screamed, jumping from some random rope system up by the mast down towards Mario.

He missed, fell off the ship, and was devoured by Muppet Souls.

"'Tis be a curse pon ye kids' souls!" Mario screamed, throwing Ness' soul, which had been won in a poker game earlier in the morning, at the Muppets.

Ness' soul devoured the Muppet Souls.

Mario turned back to face his crew.

"We need to make it to the island already! I miss my watch!" Mario cried in an unrealistically whiney voice.

"We need to deal with this mutiny first, otherwise they'll hijack the ship while you're gone" Fox said.

"Yar! Excelent idea matey!" Mario yelled. "Who here be part of this here mutiny!"

Everyone on deck rose their hands...

The only people on deck were Mario and Fox though.

"Traitor!" Both of them yelled, pointing at the other one with fear.

Fox then started looking around worried. "Where did Falco go?" he asked.

Fox was stabbed from behind with a cutlass.

"Whoops!" Samus shouted in a very feminine voice having come up from below deck with some soup.

"Yar! Find Falco!" Mario screamed to Samus. "And find me a replacement crew for the deck, it's lonely!"

Mario turned to face the dark island, a calm yet determined look on his face. He would have his watch, and no mutiny could stop him.

* * *

Ah hufflepuff... which happens to be a part of HARRY POTTER which you all know by now because even if you despise that book/show/game/lifestyle you know just about everything about the story because it's all a government conspiracy I tell you...

and I found a person at my work who's just about as crazy as I am... in fact... they all are... OMG We had to drag one away to the hospital after he sliced his nose off with a power saw to prove a point... we had to drag the manager away after he threw a baby into the safe through the slot you're supposed to put dollar bills in... it was a beautiful sight...

R&TTYL Read and Take Terrible Yaks Low...


	7. The Way

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 7: **The Way!

**Disclaimer**: The title was ripped from a game called Supreme Commander which is a wonderful game with a wonderful religious cult that shoves this peaceful idea down everyone's throats at gunpoint... which is silly... but whatever... the chapter hardly even deserves the title but whatever 2: the sequel.

**Gold Stars**:

Razzkat has earned something along the lines of 7q95609 gold stars to the seventh cubic square foot of salt toothpaste under the oath of Mecklemburg supremacy of the African coalition of angry gamers

tikitikirevenge has earned something along the lines of 6 gold stars and my deepest respect for all his amazing stories as well as my thanks for his reminding me of the deeper meaning of why I liked Reel Big Fish in the first place even though he doesn't realize it and I doubt will even get what this sentance means... crap... even I dont get what this sentance means.

Snow Patrol! (they replace Reel Big Fish in terms of relevance... Reel Big Fish dissapoints me...)

* * *

"Yar! Last time on 'Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas'!" Mario shouted. 

The flashback that was currently in the Muppets' stomachs let out a groan.

"Yar! 'Tis be a dissapointment!" Mario screamed.

"Your new crew is here!" Samus shouted, with Nana, Popo, Kirby, Mewtwo, and Luigi standing behind her.

"Yar! Get that thing off my ship!" Mario screamed, throwing Luigi into the janitors closet. "And who here's going to be the person who comments on the situation!?"

"That'd be me sir, I never actually died" Fox said.

"I can't trust you! You're in with the mutiny! Samus, throw him in the brig!" Mario screamed.

"We don't have a brig sir" Samus said.

"Then throw him in the janitors closet!" Mario screamed.

"We don't have a janitors closet" Samus said.

"Where did I throw Luigi?" Mario asked.

"We don't have a Luigi working for this ship" Samus said.

"YAR! TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR OR I'LL THROW YOU IN THE BRIG!" Mario screamed.

"I'll throw Fox somewhere" Samus said.

"Yar! That's the way matey!" Mario screamed.

"You should stop screaming, it's dull" Fox said, before Samus threw him into the toilet.

"I'll be commenting on the situation now sir! Those are lovely shoes you're wearing!" Nana screamed.

"He's not wearing shoes" Samus said.

Popo disowned Nana for this statement, and got a partnership with Dora the Explorer instead, this of course required his moving to the mainland, and he was never seen by the pirate crew again.

"Anyway, it would seem I'm going to be the one commenting on the situation from now on" Samus said. "Now let's get you that watch!"

"Yar! What about the mutiny?" Mario asked.

"It's gone" Samus said.

"YAR! TO THE WATCH!" Mario screamed.

So Mario, Samus, Kirby, and Mewtwo set off on an expedition into the Island of Lost Character Development. They were greeted by several pink Yoshis, carrying golden eggs as gifts.

"IT'S A BOMB!" Kirby screamed, and ate the golden eggs.

"If it was a bomb, why would you have eaten it?" Samus asked.

"Erm, it tastes nice?" Kirby asked.

Kirby exploded.

The Yoshis suddenly pulled out nun-chucks and did all sorts of fun ninja stuffs. Samus pulled out her arm (which was in her pocket) and shot one of the Yoshis. The rest of the Yoshis dove at Samus and bound and gagged her.

"Yar! Who'll comment on the situation now!?" Mario screamed.

"Sir! There's a situation on the ship, perhaps we should go there so we can find someone to comment on it!" Mewtwo yelled.

"Yar! Good point! Back to the ship!" Mario screamed.

Mario and Mewtwo left for the ship, leaving Samus behind with the Yoshis, who were starting to lick her feet in odd ways.

"What's the situation!?" Mario screamed as he and Mewtwo made it back to the ship.

Nobody on deck answered.

Nobody was on the deck.

"Curses! What is this!?" Mario asked.

Mewtwo began to laugh in sinister tones. This was because he had been reading some fanfiction though, not because he had been paying attention to the situation at all. He wasn't trained in that sort of thing anyway.

"This island is inhabited by a society years more advanced than our own" Fox said, having just finished researching the Island of Lost Character Development on Google.

"Why be ye here? Mutineer!" Mario screamed, pointing at Fox as much as is possible with a peg-arm.

"It was all a trick by Ness. He secretly wanted you dead, and conspired with Falco to kill you. He's not really dead, Falco didn't really shoot him in the face, and now Ness has most of the crew's support against you. They're coming now!" Fox shouted.

"How can I beleive you!?" Mario asked.

"How can you not!?" Fox screamsked... a mixture of screaming and asking.

"Yar! That is completely logical! To the island, it's our only hope!" Mario shouted.

So Mario, Mewtwo, and Fox went back to the island.

Now might be a good time to mention that they had been going to and coming from the island via the floating chainsaw of doom.

"This isn't very safe" Fox said, realizing they were all standing on a floating chainsaw.

"Yar! Have ye no piratey courage!?" Mario screamsked.

"LESS TALK! WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING INTERESTING AND SOON!" Fox screamsked. Unfortunately, he had screamsked inappropriately, and therefore had his membership of the proper use club revoked.

So they were at the islad, and the Yoshi's brought out Samus as a slave/gift.

"Hey! I was wondering where I had left that!" Mario commented.

Everyone in America complained about the objectification of women.

"I have discovered a new way of peace and prosperity..." Samus said, her helmet's visor glowing.

"YAR! ITS WITCHCRAFT!" Mario screamed.

"What are you talking about? Her visor has always glowed!" Fox screamed.

"You're all trying to get me! Mewtwo! You're my only hope, KILL THEM!" Mario screamed.

Mewtwo killed them.

"Well couldn't you explain how you killed them? That was kinda boring!" Ness said, walking up behind Mewtwo and Mario with the rest of the crew behind him.

"If it helps any I used toothpaste to finish them off" Mewtwo said.

"Thanks, that's really helpful. Now can you explain to me what you two are doing?" Ness asked.

"Yar! I'll have me watch and there's nothing ye can do about it!" Mario screamed.

"I have your watch right here, it turns out you left it in the pocket of your laundry" Ness said, holding the watch up.

"Yar! I don't change clothes though!" Mario shouted.

"I'm disturbingly aware of that, but you do change pockets" Ness said.

"Yar! Then this adventure is over!" Mario shouted.

"No, because you still have the issue of mutiny" Ness said.

"Yar! Right ye are!" Mario shouted.

"Unfortunately for you, I've got the whole crew here, and I've got the proper use club too!" Ness cried, holding up the proper use club, which happened to be the kind of club you bludgeon people over the head with.

"It isn't even capitalized!" Mario stated dramatically.

Yoshis swarmed out of the forest and killed everyone but Mario, tying him up and dragging him into their civilization.

"Yar! That was a bit sudden!" Mario shouted.

"Soon you will know the secret of all things" one Yoshi, who was a light brownish sort of crap color said.

"Yar! Yay!" Mario shouted.

Mario learned the secret of all things... it turns out, the Romans and their whole pagan beliefs were right the whole time. Unfortunately, everything Mario heard went in one ear and not out the other, so the information pooled in his brain and his head exploded.

Yoshi civilization was then nuked by America, who had been offended by the anti-christian message.

Popo found Falco in a bar 20 years later. They fell madly in love and now have five kids.

* * *

that particular chapter was terrible in my opinion... but I have to end the thing before I go to a new story arch thing... and I have some good ideas for that one so YAY! Besides, it was worth it because I'm in love with the chapter that led to this chapter. 

Also, a lot of the plot was somewhat taken from a story arch of Star Treck Enterprise... it's this sexy two episode story thing about the evil opposite version of the crew, and how they're all fighting for personal gain rather than the overall team... it's pretty jacked up and the ending is dead sexy... of course this wasn't a complete copy of that idea, but the plot was influenced by me watching that episode.

R&PLAYSTATION!... Read and Plan Large Armored Young Stallions To Attack Tuburculoses In Ordinary Numbers!


	8. The Eighth Wall!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 8:** The Eighth Wall!

Disclaimer: Taking too high a dosage of this will lead to erectile dysfunction only if you are pregnant or nursing.

Gold Stars:

I... I can't seem to remember... Oh yeah... I get one

* * *

"Yar! We've found us a map!" Mario shouted with glee.

"Again?" Ness sighed.

"Yar!" Mario replied.

"Don't you think that maybe a story based on one overdone stereotype with the same reused plot points is bound to fail?" Ness asked, viciously attacking the fourth wall.

"Yar! Why be there walls on me ship!" Mario asked.

There were lots of walls, making a house, that was sitting right on top of the ship.

"Yar! This be a mystery!" Mario said, throwing the map overboard. "We be checkin' this out!"

"Ooh! Mystery! Can I be a detective!" Nana winked at Popo. Popo was in a relationship with Peach at the moment though there were strains because of Peach being with Samus and Popo being with Samus at the time. Samus was also with DK, who was with Nana, who was with Samus at the time. Because of all this obscure and confusing relationshipping, Popo sweated nervously.

"Ew! Sweat smells bad!" Nana screamed, and blasted Popo's head off with a giant laser canon that she normally carries with her but uses as a paperweight.

"It's good to have a back-story!" the giant laser canon said with a smile.

Most of the crew was jealous. the giant laser canon was receiving more attention than they were from the story. After one by one kicking the fourth wall, they spat on the giant laser canon.

"My one weakness!" the giant laser canon screamed as it exploded. The explosion finally broke down the fourth wall.

The house was now exposed, and so it blushed.

"Once more into the breach dear friends once more or close the wall up with our English dead!" Mario quoted Shakespeare, as he is does so regularly.

"Yaaa!" Ness screamed running straight into the house. The Smashers were invigorated by this, and they all ran into the house in a giant mob.

Ness was first, followed by Samus, followed by DK, followed by Nana, followed by Peach. The obscure and confusing relationshipping caused an explosion that destroyed the first story of the house, killing everyone who had made it inside.

"Yar! Ignore the casualties! Keep going!" Mario mentioned on the side.

Yoshi charged first, followed closely by Kirby. Kirby didn't care about the house, he was just angry that his lunch was running away.

"YOSHI!!!" Yoshi screamed.

"You son of a bitch get in my mouth NOW!" Kirby screamed.

Yoshi came up with a brilliant idea. Realizing that he was larger than Kirby, he got in Kirby's mouth.

"Yay!" Kirby happied all over the floor. He got happy everywhere with that happy smile that was leaking happy on the floor.

Suddenly Kirby popped. Yoshi appeared above Kirby's remains with a butcher knife and a frightening grin.

"Yar! The house!" Mario reminded.

Yoshi went to bed.

Captain Falcon, Fox, Falco, and Mr. Game and Watch charged into the house. They made it to the second floor, where the enemies had ten more hit-points and moved ten percent faster.

"This game is impossible!" Falco cried, attacking the eighth wall viciously.

"When I'm done acting for the day I'm going to go home and smoke some weed!" Fox laughed, blasting straight through the eighth wall. What he found behind there, would change his life forever.

"Yo?" Captain Falcon asked, having already been behind the eighth wall.

"Fox yelled, taken aback!" What are you doing back here already! You cheated!

Captain Falcon was completely confused by the confusing situation that was presented to him.

"That's impossible!!!" Falco yelled, having witnessed Fox. His head exploded. The explosion propelled his beak forward and straight into Captain Falcon's skull.

"Yar! Someone get me a deathcount!" Mario yelled.

"Popo had his head blown off. Ness, Samus, DK, Nana, and Peach all died in an obscure confusing relationship. Kirby was torn to shreds from the inside out by Yoshi. Falco's head exploded. Captain Falcon had a beak lodged in his skull. I guess you can also count the giant laser canon if you want to" Dr. Mario said.

"Yar! That relieves me greatly! This be gettin' hard to keep track of!" Mario said, and then gouged Dr. Mario's eyes out with his hook for a bellybutton. "Yar! An' that's for bein' successful!"

The house had pretty much been destroyed at this point, and so it fled the battle.

"Yar! Now everything be resolved!" Mario said.

"Fox said, he couldn't wait to go home to smoke some of that weed. He was also still trying to get at that eighth wall, the poor delusional bastard." Can we leave now?

Mario was confused.

"It would appear that a fluctuation in the quantum state has cau..." Mr. Game and Watch was beaten to death by the children he had abandoned to be in this game.

"Fox laughed." Haha, that was funny!

"Yar! Be explainin' yerself!" Mario questioned. "Before I be makin' ye walk the plank!"

"Fox sobbed, not knowing what to say." I don't know what you're talking about, and leave the plank out of this.

The plank felt bad for Fox, knowing how much he loved him. It turned out, however, that the plank was in a relationship with Luigi, who was in a relationship with Ganondorf, who was in a relationship with both Fox and the plank.

The obscurity caused one of Mario's veins to explode. The blood got all over Ganondorf and inside his lungs. Ganondorf drowned miserably.

"Wow, what can you say about that?" Luigi asked.

"Yar! I won't be givin' ye any words!" Mario yelled.

"Oh come on, just something we can use at his funeral!" Luigi pleaded.

"Yar! He won't be havin' one!" Mario laughed.

Luigi was sad.

"Fox cried." My love!

"What?" Luigi asked.

Luigi and Fox started fighting over Ganondorf, the plank jumped in and it turned naughty... in the sense that the plank was cheating and using weapons.

"Cheater!" Luigi screamed. It was too late. Luigi had his brains blown in by a chainsaw. He was much more intelligent, and able to comprehend the world as it really was. He realized none of this made any sense and his head exploded.

"Fox screamed, as he died a miserable death getting his intestines blown out by a peanut." NOOOOO!

"Well, I've realized something. We're pretty bad at pirating. We never steal anything. We never fight with anybody. We're dirt poor and retarded!" the plank yelled.

"Yar! We just be givin' more realistic examples of what pirate life be in comparison to those flashy high budget films!" Mario responded quite intellectually.

"I guess we're more realistic than the way popular media portrays pirating. I mean, we're constantly floating around on this boat, and nothing happens, and so we end up doing crazy stupid shit and are more of a danger to ourselves than to other people!" the plank explained.

"Yar! It seems Joeb be smart enough to see through Hollywood's lies and portray real pirates!" Mario desperately tried to attack the fourth wall, despite it already being gone.

Everybody smiled, and the boat hit an iceberg and sank... because that's what would realistically happen in this realistic universe.

* * *

On the next episode: Mario and crew find treasure! Find out what hilarious and wacky events ensue as they try to figure out what to do with it!

It sounded better when I was writing it I swear!

(And that will be my excuse from now on!)

Anyway. Sorry for the pause, or hiatus if you want to sound flashy. Hiatus just reminds me of hentai and if I keep saying hiatus I end up never getting any work done.

R&7


	9. Pirates Pirating Pirates

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 9:** Pirates Pirating Pirates

Disclaimer: The FDA has not yet approved this as a form of cancer treatment, so don't expect anything.

Gold Stars:

You get one if you review

* * *

"Yar! We be settin' sail for the Caribbean!" Mario shouted.

"You're finally going to actually try to get gold!?" Ness asked in shock.

"Yar! I jus' be tryin' to see the pretty wildlife! I be hearin' the reefs look beautiful!" Mario shouted.

Ness sighed in sign language. It offended Falco, who stormed off the deck.

"I'm leaving!" Falco cried, walking home.

"Does that mean he's walking on water?" DK asked meaningfully.

Falco was given a religion as his consolation prize... but he still went home.

DK was sad. Without Falco, he had no meaning. He got over it.

"Yar! Set sail!" Mario shouted.

"We already did... five months ago!" Fox said. "We're already in the Caribbean!"

"Yar?" Mario asked.

"Yes," Ness responded.

"Yar!" Mario complemented.

Ness blushed.

The awkward sexual tension was broken by Fox.

"Whoops, sorry 'bout that guys!" Fox said. "But anyway, there's a ship coming up on port side! They bear no flag!"

"Yar! Which side be the port side again?" Mario asked.

Nobody knew.

"We can't fight them if we don't know where they are!" Ness panicked, blushing.

"Wait! I see them! They're right above us sir!!!" Fox screamed.

This would be a good time to mention that Fox was up in the crow's nest of the ship. Actually that was horrible timing. I'm not sure how he was in charge of the navigation while he was up there. I guess he was taking over for Falco, who had quit. It would explain why he's yelling so much.

"Yar! We have them now!" Luigi yarred. He was wearing five eye-patches, fourteen peg-legs, and fifty-seven peg-arms. He was more of a pirate than Mario would ever be. I guess it would also be useful to explain that he's the captain of the ship that's floating above them right now.

"Yar! Get next to them!" Mario shouted. "Show these miserable dogs that we be more pirates than them!"

Fox was in the crow's nest, he couldn't really steer the ship.

DK was a monkey, he couldn't really steer the ship.

Ness was blushing, he couldn't really steer the ship.

Samus rushed in to save the day, missed, and fell into the gunpowder. It exploded on contact and sent her flying like a projectile into the other ship. There was a splat.

"Yar! We be under attack!" Luigi screamed. "Return fire!"

The ship had no way to attack what was under them, so the crew started cutting holes in the bottom of the ship to make room.

Mario grumbled because he had to do everything himself. He went to the steering wheel, and steered his ship next to Luigi's.

"Yar! Tell the crew to ready the canons!" Mario shouted to Ness.

Ness ran below deck to tell everyone. His blushing got the better of him though, and his head exploded before he could warn the crew.

"Yar! Board their ship!" Luigi cried.

"They be tryin' to board us! Nobody boards the... err... what's the name of the ship again!?" Mario tried to be dramatic but failed.

"I think it's the FFS Stealing Money From Innocents, sir!" Fox said, having finally killed the crow and making it down from the crow's nest.

"Yar! Prepare to defend the FFS Stealing Money From Innocents mateys!" Mario shouted.

Mario, Fox, DK, and Kirby (who had been here the whole time, but is vastly less useful as a pirate in comparison to the rest of the crew) prepared to defend, as Luigi's crew set up the planks and ropes to board the ship.

"Yar! Do yer worst!" Mario yelled.

"YAAAAARRRRRR!!!" Luigi cried a battle cry, and a hoard of pirates came up and started crossing the planks.

Meta Knight crossed the plank Fox was guarding. Sonic crossed the plank Kirby was guarding. Lucario crossed the plank DK was guarding, and Luigi crossed the plank Mario was guarding.

Kirby ate Sonic.

DK grabbed Lucario's head, and it fell off.

Luigi lunged forward with his scimitar, but Mario took a step back and easily knocked it to the side. Mario then gave a thrust forward of his own. Luigi tried to back up, but had too many legs and just fell over, back into his ship.

"Yar! Ye be callin' that pirating! Ye be a joke!" Mario taunted.

Fox shot Meta Knight. Everyone looked at him in horror.

"Yar! That be cheatin'!" Mario cried.

"What? Pirates had guns!" Fox defended.

Mario shook his head in disappointment.

Snake jumped up to Fox's plank and pulled out a rocket launcher. "Cheat this!" he cried, launching the deadly projectile.

So Fox did cheat it. He used his deflector shield, and the rocket hit Snake instead. Snake exploded into many pieces and his spleen slapped into Fox's face in a humorous manner.

"Yer such a cheater!" Mario screamed, and kicked Fox off the team. Fox fell off the team, and landed in the water, where he was viciously eaten by plankton.

Diddy Kong started to cross the unguarded plank. Toon Link started to cross Kirby's plank. Pokemon Trainer started to cross DK's plank. Luigi once again started crossing Mario's plank.

Kirby ate Toon Link.

DK grabbed Pokemon Trainer by the head. Pokemon Trainer desperately threw a pokeball in response. DK was caught in the pokeball. Blood oozed out of the pokeball.

Mario lunged at Luigi first this time. He caught Luigi straight in the eye. Unfortunately, due to Luigi having so many eye patches on that one eye, the sword was unable to pierce through. Luigi was knocked back into his ship from the blow, and Mario continued to taunt.

It's then that physics corrected itself, and the ships stopped floating in mid air. They landed in the water with a crash and a splash.

Luigi's ship started to sink because of the holes they had cut in the bottom of their ship earlier.

"Nooo!" Luigi cried. "You haven't seen the last of me!"

The ship sank.

Diddy Kong and Pokemon trainer, who were now on the FFS Stealing Money From Innocents, watched on in horror.

"Yar! Take them captive!" Mario ordered.

Kirby ate Diddy Kong.

Pokemon Trainer caught Kirby in the same pokeball he had caught DK in.

"Yar! Ye be a thorn in me side!" Mario shouted.

Mario stared down Pokemon Trainer, which was very difficult due to him having eye patches on both his eyes.

Pokemon Trainer threw a pokeball, but Mario was ready. He swung his scimitar like a baseball bat, and knocked the pokeball right back at Pokemon Trainer.

Pokemon Trainer was caught in his own pokeball. Blood oozed from the pokeball.

"Yar! Huzzah!" Mario shouted, throwing all the pokeballs overboard.

Plankton viciously ate Mario's ship, killing everyone.

Falco shot himself alone and miserable in a back alley of New York, after being dumped by... you guessed it, Pit.

* * *

I'm sorry... for whatever you want to think I'm sorry about.

At least they did something, rather than just floating around dying for no good reason!

Read and please whatever you do don't make overly optimistic statements about Barak Obama. If you do you will be fulfilling a prophecy that will destroy the universe.


	10. The Cops!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 10:** The Cops!

Disclaimer: If you think it's funny and cool, then it likely isn't. You are delusional.

Gold Stars:

I'll get back to you on that

* * *

"Yar! We be settin' sail for adventure!" Mario yelled. "I be lovin' to sail the sea!"

Suddenly a ship appeared behind them.

"Yar?" Mario asked.

"It's the cops!" Fox cried. "They're right above us sir!"

"No they aren't, you stupid Fox!" Ness yelled. "They're behind us!"

The cop ship turned it's lights on.

"Pull over!" The cop, Ike, shouted.

"Yar! Over where!" Mario asked.

"Over hill, over dale, as we hit the dusty trail, and those caissons go rolling along!" Ike cried.

"Yar! Ye'll never get me over the hill!" Mario cried. "Yar! Retaliate!"

Ness ran downstairs to alert everybody that a big fighting scene was likely to take place. They got out the life rafts and abandoned ship so they wouldn't have to deal with it.

"Yar! Where be everyone!?" Mario asked.

"They're right above us sir!" Fox screamed.

"Yar! Ye be a broken record!" Mario yelled. "Where's somebody that be important enough to tell me!"

"Everybody has abandoned you sir!" DK yelled, running up from below deck. "The only loyal people are me, Samus, and Falco!"

"Yar! What 'bout Fox over there!?" Mario asked.

"He's too stupid to know we're about to get into a big fighting scene," DK said.

"Yar! Prepare to board the enemy ship!" Mario yelled.

"We can't. The planks have all gone on strike!" Samus cried.

Planks were marching outside of the ship with little picket signs. They were chanting "Stop walking all over us!" and burning pictures of Mario.

"Yar! Ye' rape one little girl and nobody forgives ye!" Mario yelled.

DK was offended and went outside to join the strike. He was eaten alive by rabid planks.

"I told you to pull over!" Ike yelled.

"There be nowhere to pull over to!" Mario yelled. " What do ye' want!?"

"In the storm, in the night, action left or action right, see those caissons go rolling along!" Ike cried.

"Yar? What caissons?" Mario asked.

"Limber front, limber rear, prepare to mount your cannoneer, and those caissons go rolling along!" Ike yelled.

"Yar! Ye' be not makin' any sense! I can't be mountin' no cannoneer! Not after the last lawsuit!" Mario yelled, and then turned to Samus. "How long till we be ready to fire the cannons?"

"The cannons are on strike, after you last mounted their cannoneer!" Samus cried.

Cannons were outside of the ship marching in circles with small picket signs. Their cannoneer, Kirby, was crying, trying to push the horrid memories out of his mind.

"Yar! Ye' get caught raping someone the night after ye' were caught raping that little girl and nobody forgives ye!" Mario cried.

Samus was offended, and went to go join the strike. She was eaten by rabid planks.

The cannons got pissed, and started shooting at the planks. The planks responded with long range nuclear missiles, but they missed and hit France.

France declared a national holiday.

"This is your last warning!" Ike warned. "Pull over!"

"Yar! I be warnin' ye! Don't mess with the curse of the Black Pearl!" Mario shouted.

"What's that?" Falco asked.

"Yar! I don't know, but it sounds nice!" Mario said.

"Fire!" Ike yelled. So the crew set fire to his ship.

"Ahh!" Ike yelled. "That's why I told you guys not to let Roy out of his cage!"

The police ship exploded.

"Yar! We avoid the law once again!" Mario laughed. "And now there are less people to split the booty with!"

"We don't have any booty, we haven't found a single ship carrying anything worth while for months. We're about to starve to death on this ship!" Falco cried.

"They're right above us sir!" Fox screamed.

Mario sawed the mast off of his ship, and swung it like a bat at Fox. He knocked Fox's head clean off, and dumped the body overboard.

"And now we don't have a mast and there's no hope we're going to die here" Falco said.

"At least we can have some fun before we die!" Mario winked and hinted and raised his eyebrows all at the same time. The stress put on his face caused it to rupture and blood started pouring out.

Falco vomited right into Mario's ruptured face. The vomit made up for all the lost blood and Mario was OK again.

"Yar! What do ye say!?" Mario asked.

Falco went outside to join the strike. He didn't expect to walk right onto a battlefield, where planks and cannons were lining up and launching nuclear warheads at each other.

"Is that safe?" Falco asked. "It's all fun and games until your friend is annihilated by a nuclear warhead!"

"You're not our mom!" one of the planks yelled.

"Yes I am!" Falco replied.

The planks began to cry.

Muppets surfaced from the deep, and ate everything outside of the ship.

"Yar! I be alone!" Mario cried. "I never thought it would end like this!"

It ended exactly like that..

Years later Mario's ship was found by a kid that had been tied to a whale. The kid thought it was cool, and then starved to death out there.

* * *

Yar har twidily dee!

If you enjoyed this story!

You are an idiot!

Now review you worthless hag!


	11. Secret Hideout!

**Yar! Stupidity 'pon the high seas!**

**Chapter 11:** Secret Hideout!

Disclaimer: I know my pants zipper is unzipped. I like it that way!

Gold Stars:

I'm looking for a friend of mine. He goes by the name of 'Jack'... I can get you a few gold stars if you help me find him.

* * *

"Yar! We be settin' sail for our secret hideout! Where we store the loot!" Mario commanded.

"Do we really have one of those?" Fox asked.

"Yar!" Mario answered Fox's question. Fox was satisfied with the answer.

So they set sail for the secret hideout.

"Land ho!" Fox screamed.

Ness chopped Fox's body into tiny bits which he fed to his goldfish.

"I'm the one who makes the comments!" Ness screamed. "Land ho!"

The land got mad that the pirates were calling it a ho. It started beating Ness up.

"Yar! Quit fighting with me island!" Mario yelled. "'Tis be our secret hideout ye know!"

Ness and the land kissed and made up and the pirates landed at their island. Really though, they crashed and the boat sank.

So now they were stranded on their secret hideout of an island.

"Yar! Let us be diggin' up our treasure!" Mario yelled.

"We don't have any! Remember!?" Ness cried.

"Yar! Let's be findin' us some treasure!" Mario laughed.

"If this is our secret hideout, and we're the only ones here, and we don't have treasure, where do you suspect we would find any treasure?" Ness contemplasked, a word that means to ask in a contemplative manor. (lol i invented a word wut?)

"Yar!" Mario shouted, giving the order to charge.

Now, let's break precedent and describe what this island looked like. Their ship had crashed on a sandy island a bit smaller than the ship itself. This island had a couple palm trees on it and not much else. This small island was in a natural bay, only a few dozen feet away from a larger island. This larger island had lush vegetation and palm trees all around the bay, and led to cliff faces and large caverns throughout the rocky center. There was a waterfall coming down from the cliff face leading almost straight into the bay.

"Yar! Quit yer looking at the scenery and charge!" Mario ordered.

"This is actually a pretty cool island!" Ness commented. The island wasn't going to let Ness sweet talk it though, it was still mad from the fight.

So Ness led an expedition of people. They charged into the island cave with joy and candy.

They ran into a bunch of knights.

"We are the knights that don't say ni! That would be ridiculous and silly if we did!" Meta Knight yelled.

Samus charged up her arm cannon to blast Meta Knight. She charged too hard, and the arm cannon exploded, cooking her inside her suit.

DK charged his punch by winding his arm back. He wound too hard, and his arm came unscrewed and fell off. He bled to death.

Yoshi prepared to launch his tongue. He successfully launched his tongue... to the moon. He never saw his tongue again, and soon died of starvation.

Ness started flailing his baseball bat around in a wild fighting style. He accidentally smashed Pichu's skull in. Pichu was fine, then he was fined. He couldn't afford the fine and was put to death.

"Now you see what happens when you oppose our knightly code!" Meta Knight yelled, waiving his sword with grandeur. He accidentally cut his mask off, and then died of a lack of mask.

"Whatever..." Ness shrugged, and charged deeper into the cave. His team was dead, and yes, that was his entire team. He stopped caring.

"You are no man!" A viking yelled, jumping out at Ness from beneath some disgusting mud.

"You're right! I'm a boy!" Ness proudly stated. "And that's disgusting as hell!"

The viking caught a cold and died.

At the back of the cave, Ness witnessed the greatest sight he had ever seen.

A knight and a viking were duking it out, right in front of millions of dollars worth of gold coins, all piled together overflowing a grand looking treasure chest.

The knight and the viking died of exhaustion. They had been fighting there for far too long.

Ness quickly let his pirate instinct take over. He pulled out a shovel and buried the treasured deep into the ground. He buried it so deep he made it to the Earth's core, and then died from the pressure and heat.

"Yar! What be takin' the away team so long!?" Mario asked. "And why didn't we all go to explore!?"

With that, Mario sent Bowser with an away team to see what was at the top of the island's mountain. He meanwhile explored the deep, dark, and dangerous mystery that was... the inside of his ship.

Bowser made it to the top of the mountain. There was a geyser.

"We've made it to the top!" Bowser proudly stated, turning to face his team with a satisfied expression. Popo whispered something into Nana's ear.

Nana snuck behind Bowser and got on her knees. Popo pushed Bowser. Bowser landed on top of Nana, crushing her with his weight. She died a miserable painful death.

"Haha!" Popo laughed, pointing at Nana. "Tricked you!"

Bowser coughed. His flame breath engulfed Popo, melting him.

"Pool party!" Falco and Peach yelled, cannonballing into the geyser and dissolving.

"Uhh... alright that's it I'm leaving..." Bowser said, and began to climb down the mountain. He tripped and fell all the way down, shattering his shell and dying. The whole team was dead, because that was the whole team.

Meanwhile Mario was exploring the vast uncharted mystery that was below deck. It was dark, and Mario wielded a torch.

"Hello stranger" a mysterious looking ninja said, hanging from the ceiling. It was Sheik. "If you want to continue down this path, you must answer me this riddle..."

All the blood rushed to Sheik's head and she passed out... and then her head exploded... there was that much blood.

Mario continued down the deep dark trail until he came across a cardboard box.

"Hello stranger!" cardboard box said. "Do you think you have what it takes to continue down this path? (Y/N)"

The cardboard box began to wheeze, and there was scratching and clawing heard from within.

"Damn... I knew I should have cut... air... holes..." And the cardboard box was silent.

Mario continued down the path until he came across a door. In front of him was this door, and the walls and both sides were close and claustrophobic. The ceiling nearly touched Mario's head, and the path he had come from was pitch black and stank of death.

"Look!" Mario shouted.

In front of him was this door, and the walls and both sides were close and claustrophobic. The ceiling nearly touched Mario's head, and the path he had come from was pitch black and stank of death.

"Look!" Mario shouted.

In front of him was this door, and the walls and both sides were close and claustrophobic. The ceiling nearly touched Mario's head, and the path he had come from was pitch black and stank of death.

"Look!" Mario shouted.

I'm not doing it again.

"Open door!" Mario shouted.

It wasn't a valid command.

"Go back!" Mario shouted.

It wasn't a valid command.

"Use torch!" Mario shouted.

It wasn't a valid command.

"Yar!?" Mario asked.

It was a valid command, but we're not sure what it did.

Mario got frustrated, and set the ship on fire. It quickly exploded, killing everyone and thing that existed on the ship.

Mario met Ness up in heaven... I know, the standards have gotten really lax, but there's not much I can do about it.

"Yar! What did ye' find in yer adventures!?" Mario asked.

"There was a cave." Ness said. "I explored it _thoroughly_..." Ness winked.

Peach giggled.

Mario was confused.

And that night in Cuba, it began to rain pirates... (and of course they just splatted on impact with the ground, so they went back to heaven...)

* * *

Yar?

Yar!

Yar and Yar!


End file.
